Painting and My State of Mind / 心境使然
从小爱画画的我于 1985 年考取了四川美术学院绘画系中国画专业。我们都是通过学习西方式素描和色彩这一套方法进入美院学习的,然而当我考上中国画专业之后,发现用中国画的材料和方法无法随心地进行创作。尤其是经过两年的被动学习,我突然喜欢上了在绢上画所谓的“工笔画”, 其实我画得不太工整也不太精细,有点随意性,自从画了那幅画(作品名称: “老家”)之后,我体验到了无法言表的感受,现在看来好像是无意间找到了适合表达自己内心的方式。
1989 年我毕业了,伴随着“六四”的清算领到了毕业证,回想这四年的大学生活也真有趣,刚去上学时,我憧憬毕业后将会被分配到一家国营单位去从事画画的工作。大学四年先经历了“反对精神污染”运动,快毕业时又经历了六四“学潮”,在艺术上我曾听说“85 思潮”,也知道了有人说“中国水墨画到了穷途末路”。当然那四年中我感受到了自由的空气, 仿佛门窗打开了。可惜随后又被关上了。
时间到了 2000 年左右,互联网兴起的时代,我开始关注当代艺术的现象,比如行为、影像、装置、观念摄影和一些文本的东西,还有批评家关于当代艺术的讨论。我也梳理了一下自己的艺术观,以往我仅凭直觉画画, 表达内心情感。然而随着时间的推移,来自社会的,家庭的,生活的很多方面, 给自己内心带来诸多问题,于是就有了一种想表达的诉求,但是用什么媒介更好呈现作品,是我未知的,原先的绢画显得柔弱,90年代末丙烯颜料开始普及起来,1999 年我开始尝试着用丙烯画了一幅肖像画,我妻子做的模特。然后我用了两年的时间,画了一批亚麻布丙烯的作品,可能是丙烯颜料用水调和,跟我画水墨画有媒介上的契合点,这些画基本能呈现出我想要的效果。到了 2005 年,我在北京798 的工作室,画了一整年的画。在北京, 在工作室里工作与生活的方式一直延续至今。但是,三年前自己身体有些不适,加上我父母的离世, 让我更加关注生命的“无常”,和人的宗教性。我开始接触佛学,禅修,道教等。除了丙烯画,我又产生采用中国画颜料和绢来完成一些作品的想法,是心境使然,也是水墨画与我的因缘未了吧。一直以来,有一种观念伴随着自己,也就是寻找真实的内心景观图像和追求人的普世价值观。
Painting and My State of Mind
I was born with a love of painting. I therefore chose to study at the Sichuan Fine Arts Institute, majoring in Chinese Painting. At that time, most of the art students were training in Western oil and drawing techniques. When I started to specialize in Chinese painting, I began to feel that my creative expressions were being stifled by the media and the techniques of Chinese painting. Two years later, tired of the training in the traditional techniques, I turned to do Chinese-style elaborate painting on silk. I didn’t paint with strict accuracy. But then after I finished the painting “Old Home”, I got a new feeling, a feeling that was beyond words. I thought I had come across my own way of expression.
Then in 1989 I graduated, along with the closing of the June 4th Movement. The four college years had been interesting but dramatic. In the beginning, I dreamt of working in a state agency upon graduation and being a painter there. But then came the movements, one after another, the Anti-Spiritual Pollution Campaign, and then the June 4th Movement. In art, I witnessed the 85’ New Wave Movement, I also heard people say that Chinese ink painting was doomed. A door had been opened, letting in some fresh air, but was immediately shut again.
When I graduated, I didn’t work in a state agency. I worked in Guangdong Province, and then went back to Chongqing, doing some other freelance work.
Whenever I didn’t need to work, I picked up my brush, primarily in response to the call of my heart.
Time flew. Around 2000, the Internet became the new fashion. I was exposed to such contemporary concepts as behaviour, image, device, conceptual photography, etc. This prompted me to think deeper about my own understanding of art. I used to paint solely by instinct and emotions; but gradually life’s problems arose and troubled my heart, pushing me to look out for a new way of self-expression. I thought the force of the silk painting was too weak, and since the fashion then was acrylic, I did my first acrylic painting in 1999, the model was my wife. Then I spent the next two years painting with acrylic on canvas. Perhaps the mixture of acrylic and water achieved something similar to Chinese ink wash painting, the works displayed the result I wanted. Then, I spent the whole of 2005 painting in a studio in Beijing 798, and my lifestyle there carried on over these years. But my attitude has changed. My health problems three years ago and the passing-away of my parents taught me about the ever-changing nature of life, as well as the religiousness of human beings. I started to read about Buddhism, Zen meditation and Taoism. In art, I thought I could still use Chinese pigments and silk for some works. I couldn’t totally give up the ink wash painting, because it fit into my state of mind, or perhaps some karma was working there. The central aspiration of my works, over so many years, has been to present the true landscape of my heart as a way to approach some universal values.